Together

you're dying inside
and i can see it in your eyes.

baby, dont...
dont hide those tears.
dont turn away.
just talk to me.
ill be here.
ill wipe those tears
and hold you close.
we can do whatever.
just dont...

you want so much.
yet, you dont know what to do.
theres confusion in you
and it kills me to see you this way.

just take a breath,
and we can take a small step together...

Dried Tears; Warm Embrace

Closed eyes; a body stopped
in a lake of tears.
Waiting. Wanting:
-answers. -completion.
-direction. -peace.
-happiness. -love.
Disheveled feelings and loneliness surround...

...but through all of this,
a warm embrace engulfs and ensures:
-safety.
-acceptance.
-truth.
An aura of light brightens the darkness;
a new era is here.

Heart beating with love;
Mind racing with ideas;
Body engulfed with energy;
Soul...
...reaching with hope.

The tears have stopped.
The lake is dry.
Eyes, once weary from crying,
are rejuvenated with new vitality.

Prayers answered:
"Life is never lonely.
Feel the warmth and
be brought to new light.

Feel love. Feel happy.
Feel strength. Feel wisdom.
All is not lost.
All is yours to use and to be you."

Life again, ahead.
All close to the fingers' touch.
All the world and the people...
Path is set. Is this go?

Yes...
...don't stop.

Tired Teardrops

Flowing stream from tired eyes-
travel down my face
and drip ever so slowly
-into my reality.

Blurring my vision,
I can no longer see the road ahead;
obstructed future, winding path.
Distraught hope and confusion.

I am lost in a world of teardrops.
I want to see,
yet I can't....
"Will someone help me?

Oh fallen tears!
Why doth thou flow?
Why can't you stop and
leaveth thine alone?

My eyes are tired
and I can't go on much longer..."
Cold and lonely hands
wipe the endless stream.

A poor soul waits for the sad river to run dry.
If...will it ever stop?...

Cleansing Love

Tears from heaven fall and wet the waiting ground.
The pitter-patter, pitter-patter of raindrops set the romantic tone.
Caught in the soft shower,
two people stand in an open field.

Hand in hand; eyes locked;
not a single word is spoken.
Washed away are their pains, their pasts.
All that remains are their happiness, their future.

Too much for words,
this moment is held in time:
a reminder-
-love is eternal.

Sealed is their fate:
a continuous love held true by both
and lived on as time passes.
...sealed with a kiss.

Embracing, smiling, happy.
The clouds melt and a warm sun shines them a new path...
direction to a future together.
Hand in hand, they venture forward...

...in love...
...and together.

Who am I?

I am, Erwin C_____ S_______, a person who fought for what was right:
honor, justice, friends, family...
I defended the weak from greater evils.
I was there for others when they needed help,
but who is there for me?
I engage in battle everyday against my greatest foe...
myself.
I confront what has hurt me for years:
depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, suicide...
I have turned to those that I have aided,
but they turn their backs on me.
I, yet again, ponder who is there for me?
I strove to achieve my personal best,
but I can see that my best isn't good enough.
I am capable of so much more
because my past has proven it.
I was a good student,
but now, who am I?
I fear that my evils are winning this war over me,
and I ask, again, who am I?
Am I still Erwin C_____ S_______?
No, because now...
I am nothing.

Motto

God will protect my soul.
Jesus will guide me.
Holy Spirit will join my heart and my mind.
I will protect my brothers and sisters.

Definition

I am a poet. I am a philosopher.
I am a fighter. I am a lover.
This is why I choose to be:
a quiet warrior waiting in shadows.

Destroyed Sorrow

In the lonely streets of my life,
I stand alone and empty.
Drained and torn,
I can no longer see.

No longer does that happiness
sit way over there.
All I feel now
is the harshness of reality's air.

I stand alone and crying,
tears of a forgotten life.
Not willing to move
when all around me is strife.

Confusion, lost feelings.
Death to everything that was me.
Desparation, depression.
A forgotten nothing is what I will be.

No longer wandering
I await my fate.
Destroyed beyond belief
no longer can I create...

a hope to hold onto,
a faith in all,
a sense of being,
and a love to call.

Tears flowing
and breathing chopped,
I've accepted my fate
because my heart has stopped.

My soul left empty,
wandering in despair.
It will move without passion
as it does now, so plain and fair.

Autumn

7:40 am.
Cool, crisp autumn morning;
piercing light shining through
the arms of naked trees
and lighting my concrete path.

Sparkling shards of grass
captured by the morning frost.
The sound of
CRUNCH as I walk quickly
on the fallen dried leaves.

The freezing air biting my bare skin...
-my cheeks
-my nose
-my hands.
Bundled in my warm fleece jacket, wool beanie, and wool gloves,
I trek forward and
wait for my bus to come.

Billowing smoke coming from my lips,
a steady fog breathed out into the air
and disappearing into
the season. As I listen,

I hear the sounds of cars hustling and busting
by, the few birds chirping, and the roar
of the city. These sounds penetrate deep
into the mind
despite my blaring headphones
of today's random cd playlist:
...r & b ...hip hop
...rap ...techno
...punk ...islander
...pop ...rock

Standing at the stop,
closed shops promote nothing.
Newspaper stands vent
out images of what happened.
I look up at the sky and see the world slowly
come into play. Clouds shifting
and the sun finally breaks through.

My bus is here.
7:50 am.

A List of Black

Deep.
Silence.
Emptiness.
Darkness.
Cooling shade on a hot day.
Awakening morning drip.
Peaceful tune to the mind's eye.
Death. Decay.
Corrosion. Rot.
Gloomy shadows lurking everywhere.
Mysterious ocean's depth.
A troubled skin tone.
Quieted, dark clouds.
A tinted stretch limo.
Tuft of hair.
Shade of clothing:
my back pack - my coat - my shirt - my shoes
The yang to a yin.
An end to a long day's work.
OFF.

Let Me Be...

Let me be that guy
you see across the street;
the one you smile and wave to
and sees how pretty you are.

I'll be that guy
you see everyday at the same place.
You'll see me with a big smile
and a curious and magnetic personality.

Let me be your friend,
the one you talk to
and hang out with every week
as we let time slip away.

I'll be that friend,
who'll always make you smile and laugh.
You'll see me for me
and love that you found someone so rare.

Let me be your boyfriend,
your confidant, your guy, your friend,
who'll see your inner beauty
and see how wonderful you truly are.

I'll be that boyfriend
you've always dreamed of
who loves and sees
the true nature of your soul.

Let me be your husband.
I'll be that one
who walks you do that aisle
as nothing but happiness awaits us.

I'll be that husband
who whisks you off your feet
and makes all your wishes
come true.

Let me be your fantasy,
a fantasy so real
you feel each touch and breath
as our bodies become one.

I'll be that fantasy
that makes you blush
as you relive each moment
forever in your mind's eye.

Let me be your lover
as you let go all of your pain
and wipe away tears
from your weary eyes.

I'll be that lover
who you will trust and cherish.
You'll see that we are one in the same
as our hearts become one.

Let me be your soulmate,
the one whose life you share
and can't live without
as our souls unite.

I'll be that soulmate
who'll hold you forever
and keep you feeling safe and loved
from now until eternity.

Let me be the one...

Exploding Sphere

A tiny bubble found deep in me.
Tiny in thought,
but huge in body;
weighing down my life
and keeping this soul from healing.

A miniscule ball growing...
...growing with...
confusion - distortions of my mind...
anger - suppressed inner rage...
frustrations - at myself and the world...
sadness - my Great Depression...
hatred for myself.

A small abyss taking shape and form
and sucking me in
back to a world
I thought I had left behind.
Warping my mind,
distorting my body,
and shredding my soul.

A symbiotic black hole
pulling my life away
from a world so serene.

I ran away,
but it found me.
I thought it was gone,
but it was really dormant.

Will it ever go away?

N Ur Eyes

I see you over there
looking at me.
Something about your stare
makes me wonder what do you see?

Such beauty from one
brings happiness to my soul.
What have I done
to deserve such loving control?

She says that I'm handsome
yet I don't understand.
She is perfect beauty and then some.
She's my goddess from a far land.

She says that I'm smart
beyond compare.
She'll always have my heart
with tender, loving care.

I wish
that I could give her the world.
Place it on a dish
with strawberries swirled.

I'll never know
what your eyes may see.
Until then, I'll be like whoa
and hear your plea:

I love you.

Darkness Within

With this pen, I breathe life.
With that life, I create an image.
With my image, I form a structure.

A very structure in which I try to live.
A life...where everything seems dark-
but in that darkness, lays hope.

Hope waiting to live
and light up all the shadows of my insecurities.

Words Worth

I sit. I think. I write.
My pen flowing, creating words:
giving life to letters as well as meaning; purpose.

Words symbolizing the deeper concious.
As simple as "cranberries" or as complex as "delocalize,"
Words contain an essence where human nature can be observed.

Through this pen, the imagination is alive.
Therefore:
I sit. I think. I write.

Hope

Listen my friends
and do not despair.
As long as there's hope,
all is fair.

Peace is mending.
Love is unending.

The world cannot crush
what we hold true.
You love me.
I love you.

The Destruction of My Inner Peace

Eyes glowing with red,
seething with anger, it needs to be fed.
Emotional alarm is tripped
and only my rage is ripped.
Burning my soul,
I am out of control.
-SLASHING and TEARING-
No one is caring
as I fight my way
to stay out of harm's sway.
My mind is beserk
as my body jerks.
Destruction is my only path.
My aura is only of wrath.
Until I cool down,
my soul will drown
in a blaze of fury.

Hmm

Across the waters,
through the glimmer of the city's lights,
I wonder what you're thinking.

Is it simple enough to say that
I love you?
Or does that make it more complex than need be?

...A pensive mind lost in thought.
A world of lights and shadows.
But in reality, hidden truths.


If it were easy,
things would go back to how they were.
If...

Yet, the world doesn't work on "if's."
I wish it did.
Cuz maybe, we'd be together again.
in love and happy.

Lost in a world of thought.

Dreams?

I'll meet you there
in our special place,
our quiet little world
away from it all;

a place I see and hold you
every night
where no one else is there
just you and me, together.

I'll meet you there
and take you away
to worlds only we know
and share things only we share.

I'll meet you there-
-in my dreams.

Did you want to blast off
into deep space
and space-skate
around Saturn's rings?

We can skate in circles,
hold hands,
and giggle
as we feel that thrill.

Look in your heart
and tell me what you feel.
I can see it in your eyes
and the way you act.

Cuz with me baby,
you'll never fall.

Did you want to swim to Atlantis
and dance with the fishes,
swing and sway those hips
towards the beat of the ocean drum?

Your smile reveals it all.
You are yourself and genuine.
You are care free.
You are here with me and that's what counts.

Cuz with me baby,
you'll always be happy.

How about a game?
You be the hunter
and I'll be the prey.
Track me down and gain your prize.

You like the idea, Ms. Vampire?
I can feel your seductive caresses
and your teeth pressing into my neck.
Mmmm.

Cuz with me baby,
you'll always feel sexy.

What if we slowed it down
and cuddled on the beach of a tropical island?
Your lips on mine.
My arms around your body.

Under the moon and stars,
together as one
making love
and uniting our souls.

Cuz with me baby,
you'll always feel loved.

Did you want to dream of our future,
walking down that aisle
as husband and wife
and together forever?

Sharing our lives.
Having children
and being a family.
Being happy.

Cuz with me baby,
you'll always feel special.

We can see each other
and feel each other.
Is this really a dream
or our reality?

Wishing

There she stands at the shore
looking across the waters
for the love she can't fill.

Wishing in all her powers
as tears flow steady from her weary eyes.
Trembling and quietly cursing fate itself,
she reaches out towards the waters.

A soft mist touches her skin
and she goes back to a time she once lived.
She remembers those times with her departed love
and relives the moments,
she holds dear.

Hearing those words,
feeling that touch,
seeing such beauty,
tears continue to fall down her cheek
and onto the softened sand.

Weakened by such thoughts,
she falls to her knees
and snaps back to reality.

As she looks up,
the wispy clouds shift
and the sun slowly fades into the depth of the ocean.

The kaleidoscope of colors reflect off the shimmery water
and shine into her eyes.
For a brief moment,
she sees her love and a quick smile.
And with that moment,
the crash of the wave upon her soft delicate skin takes her love away.

Leaning forward,
her hands sink into the sands
as she quietly sobs
into the cold reality of life.

There she kneels
feeling all alone.
Wishing and wanting
for everything to be the same
as it once was.

Drowning in her own sea of tears,
she feels the presence of someone.

The clouds shift once more
as the sun finally sets.
Alone in the darkness,
a calm wind blows across her face
as if someone is trying to wipe her tears.

Tear by tear,
she calls out the name of her love
out into the darkness.

She hears a whisper.
A quiet whisper telling her choice words:

"Live."
"Happy."
"Love."
"Proud."
"Believe."
"Courage."
"Strength."

She calls out,
"Please...don't go.
Take me away.
Take me with you.
I miss you."

A cool wind touches her cheeks and lips
as she closes her eyes.
And the whisper gives her a final message,
"Patience. Trust. Forgiveness."

With the last of the words,
the whisper fades back into the night.

She stands and looks towards the horizon
wishing for a dream to come true.
With her final thoughts,
she walks back towards her life.

I'll Save You

Huddled in a corner,
I see you with teary eyes
trying to fight away the creeping shadows
and clutching to your last hope.

I'm not going to let you be alone.
I'm not going to let you fight alone.
I refuse.

I do my best to rush in
and fight off those...
-demons
-shadows
-the pain.

I offer my hand and pray.
"Please take my hand
and let me take you away.
You're not alone and
please don't give up."

Tears cascading down your flush cheeks,
you fight on and reach.
The shadows snap and scratch,
but can't take away your strength.
Your hand brushes mine
and that last hope,
your strength,
your love,
your soul...

...suddenly, shines bright.
The shadows disappear.
The demons are gone.
The pain is slowly fading away.

You take my hand and you stand tall.
I wipe your tears and kiss you.
Your arms wrapped around me.
Your safe once more.